Special K and Magic Shrooms
I didn’t have a sense of humor. I developed that in my teens when I observed other people laughing freely. I regarded that with curiosity. It felt like a strange thing to experience something and immediately know how to respond. I copied my friend Kazzie’s laugh for a long time, and everyone loved it. Everyone loved her. She’s still very lovable.
I used to laugh at what others laughed at to see how it felt in my body. It felt good, so I laughed as much as possible. In my junior year in college, a guy said, “You have a low humor threshold.” I don’t think he meant it as a diss. I think he was stating a truth as he saw it. I laughed less after that because I felt embarrassed.
Now, I cultivate my tastes and examine things closely before deciding whether or not it’s for me. Often, I won’t know. I hate not knowing. I’ll obsess until I know, but of course, obsessing over it robs you of the ability to encounter it authentically and spontaneously.
I’m considering ketamine therapy as my next phase of healing, but I’ve received a message from my subconscious that I need to pay attention to my dreams. I’ve neglected that because it’s hard, very hard and I’m tired of feeling confused and like things are unknowable. But dreams are knowable and most…
