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In 2020 I began the horrifying and overwhelming task of healing, which included recovering a lifetime of repressed memories of abuse. This is what happened and what I wish I’d known.
Until you’ve recovered repressed memories, you may not know which questions will lead to the most relevant information. I’m going to tell you where it started for me. I’ll describe what repressed memories feel like and how they behave, what you should be wary of, and how you might proceed with your healing.
Repressed memories don’t spontaneously present themselves, not typically. They won’t emerge in a dream, though your dreams play a role in reclaiming the shattered parts of your personality that lay buried within them. I’ll cover that in another piece.
Repressed memories contain feelings that get triggered when you’re triggered; that’s how you know they’re there. But unlike triggers whose origins you may understand or even remember, they have no reflection, no beginning, no end, no boundaries of any kind, just a weight that feels like an anvil around your neck every waking moment. And when they’re triggered, they’re like a nuclear bomb has gone off inside you. Daily, however, they drain you and always want more, gnaw at your mind and rob you of higher reasoning. They go “bump” in the night, but do their worst damage during the day, when you blow up at…
