How Do We Heal the Rage After Narcissistic Abuse?
I sometimes feel immortal because I walk with death. My dreams have always said so. But so has my body. I grow tired for no reason. Often, I do not have the stamina for a regular workday. The only relief I get from the constant pressure and pain of what happened to me is writing. I do yoga and meditate because the studies say that’s good for trauma, and I’m healthier than I’ve ever been, but lately, I pushed myself too hard, and I’m afraid I’m not recovering as fast as I should be, as fast as someone else might. I fear that’s just my state of being and I need to make money. I fear I just don’t know how. The pressure of this stops me and pushes me further from it.
“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil; your rod and your staff; they comfort me.” These words from Psalms float up from the depths to taunt me. I feel no comfort and certainly felt no comfort from any God that should save children from a fate worse than death. But today, a new idea about those words emerged as I wandered a path taking photos. It isn’t the end of that Psalm; it’s the beginning that carries meaning for me. Pausing over the phrases emerging from my subconscious is important. Because I spent my entire life suppressing what occurred, I have to look closely at the paper slips…
